My family lost a special member last night.

We are no strangers to the cancer monster. My mother is a survivor, battling for the third time as I type. My father is a survivor. My maternal grandmother was a survivor. My paternal grandfather was a survivor. I lost a cousin too young (He was 16.) to this illness. The family tree is riddled with this ugly illness, running through the branches. It is indescribable to be "tired of it". One would think traveling the road once would make it easier a second time, or a third time, or a fourth time, but it doesn't it only pisses you off more. One would think having so many first hand experiences would help the grieving process the next time around. It doesn't. It is horrible and hard and feels unfair every time.

Fighting this illness changes a person. Watching a loved one fight this illness changes a person. Once a person is diagnosed, everything is different. And most of the time for most people, things being different is not ok. It is just different, and we have to find a way to survive it too.

Jason has been battling his illness with everything he is since March of 2007. He was a great cousin. We grew up in close proximity to each other. He was the same age as my brother, and his sister the same age as me. We spent many holidays and summer's days together while kids. He loved the outdoors and everything country--hunting, fishing, four-wheeling, animals. He worked hard. He had great jokes. He did excellent imitations of our uncles that made us all laugh around the bonfire. He was a great fishing partner for Sierra when she was small and learning how to bait her own hook and cast her own line.

Paula, Eden (Jason's niece), Jason--Summer 2007

He will be missed! No matter how you cut it. His absence will be difficult to get over for all who knew him. My rational mind is telling me, "He's with our Savior. He's no longer in pain. He's no longer needing to fight 24 hours a day." My heart is saying, "It's so damn unfair!" Thank God for faith. Thank God I believe he has gone to a better place, to watch over all who love him, to eternal salvation.