Life goes on and the sounds of silence...
December through February is a whirlwind of holiday. Our school calender gives us 6 weeks off over Christmas and through January. Then in February the city shuts down to take in the madness of Carnaval and welcome the Lenten season. I think the overindulgence of Carnaval is all preparation for the abstinence of Lent.
This period of time 2010 was one of alegria and felicidade. LaShunda spent 3 weeks with us over Dec/Jan and Vicks returned for her second Carnaval in Rio during Feb. It was tour guide Sara 24 hours a day, and I loved every minute of it. (hence not having a lot of time for updating this blog)
We have been back to school full-time (meaning having class 5 days a week) since late February now, and I have to say getting into the groove is easier said than done when you are used to living life in anticipation of the next day off.
But that's ok. The demand to "get to work" inspires the congnitive juices, and I'm feeling fired up about all that has to still be accomplished with my 63 eighth graders between now and June 15. We have much to do. I am excited.
Through all of this, I have been battling a very persistent sinus infection/congestion issue. Beginning last November, after returning from a week long trip with those same 63 eighth graders needing a lot of class time, I have been coughing and/or blowing my nose nonstop. Morning greets me with a minimum of 20 minutes hacking up the crud that settled in my chest and face during the night. I have been to my GP 3 times, completed a 10 day antibiotic regime, lived on Tylenol sinus around the clock for almost 2 weeks, and overdosed on vitamin C in the form of acerola juice and supplemental tablets. Only to find temporary relief.
At the same time, I have intermittendly experienced strange sensations and blockages in my left ear. The first time, my ear closed completely, leaving me listening to others in a strange, bent neck, head turned to the left to accentuate my right, working ear position. Used the anti-inflamatory ear drops prescribed by my GP and experienced success when the ear finally reopened. Let me just say, speaking a second language and understanding what others are communicating through only one ear is no easy task.
I thought I was all clear and on the mend, as my ear reopened, I was still coughing and suffering the occasional sinus pressure. That's when the Tylenol sinus came into the game. Tylenol sinus accompanied me through Carnaval this year. I wouldn't have been able to survive without it, but I have to believe it's just not good for the body to take it every 6 hours for 15 days.
In the midst of this phase, that pesky left ear started acting up again. This time, it didn't close completely, but began contorting the sounds which entered the ear. It's like having a HAM radio in your head but not exactly programmed to the correct frequency. A week of this and PHEW! it passed. Life went on...
Until a week ago Thursday, when the sounds in my left ear returned to their strange ways. This time, I decided it was appropriate to call the dr. again. "Sara, I think it's time you see a specialist." A referral to an ENT, a consultation, a battery of hearing tests, and the results: I have hearing loss in my left ear! WHAT?? (literally)
It seems I have lost all the base sounds in my left ear. Do you realize the ramifications of this? Set your stereo controls to eliminate base and push all the treble to the max but make set the dial to 95.4 when the station is really 95.3. That is what I am hearing. It requires so much additional brain energy to process the sounds. It's maddening. It's uncomfortable. It's a little scary. The base and baritones are all the beautiful, delicious, chocolatey smooth sounds you get lost in and wrap around yourself. They are the pleasures of music and comforting voices, and they are gone from my left side.
So I look to the "specialist" Dr. Jair and say, "Ok, I did my part on the exam. Now you do your part and tell me why."
"Well, I don't know Sara."
Great, that is not the answer I wanted to hear. He had already gotten the sneak peek inside my ears using his super magnified ear looker thing. Couldn't he see?? He's the SPECIALIST afterall. The expert whose hands I am putting my faith and hearing in right now.
"That is why I want you to have this exam."
"What exam?"
"I am sending you to the lab to have a catscan of your HEAD!"
Gulp, nodding of head, "O K"
"This will show us exactly what is going on, and then we will be able to move forward with treatment."
This will show us exactly what is going on? What are you looking for? People don't have catscans of their heads to determine something with their ears! Do they? REally?
He continued, "no medicines or treatment until we know the results."
Great, well, really not as big of a deal as it sounds since anything I had previously tried or was currently taking wasn't making any difference in the functioning of my ear anyway.
So I had the exam Thursday, and I wait until Tuesday for the results and Wednesday to talk to the dr. again for answers and in the meantime,
I teach 8th GRADERS!! I work in a SCHOOL. The sounds coming into my left ear are only the high pitched registers. These are pre-pubescent boys and girls. Think about the register of their voices. Think about the register of 20 of their voices at the SAME TIME! Brutal torture. If I supported war, I would call the US Dept of Defense today to recommend this new form of torture for POWs. Seriously...at times I want to scream. At times I want to cry. Most of the time I just want SILENCE.
Mostly in my period of waiting, I continue to think about the what ifs.
But I work hard to push those thoughts away since there really isn't anything productive in that. My biggest concern and what is occupying many of my thoughts is WHAT IF it's permanent because so many things would have to be different.
Until Wednesday, I'm capturing silence.
