On being CatholicI have been thinking about my religion a lot lately. If someone asks, I always answer, "I'm Catholic." However, I, like many other Catholics around the world, cannot name the last time I attended mass. I, unlike many other Catholics around the world, don't really feel guilty for this.
I am not sure whether or not I should feel guilty for it. I don't know if it makes me a bad Catholic because I don't feel guilty, but I don't.
Despite the fact that I don't regularly attend mass, I am very spiritual and very faith filled. Most people don't know that I pray daily. Most people don't know that I put great weight in Divine Power and Divine Intervention and Divine Direction. Most people don't know that I often turn my eyes toward the sky and say, "What is it you want me to learn Lord? I'm trying to listen, I really am, but I just am not hearing you."
My faith not something I openly share. It's not for sharing. It's personal. It's mine--my faith, my belief, my conversations with God. I don't want to share them necessarily or need to.
So why am I writing about being Catholic and having faith and talking to God on my public blog you might ask.
Because today something so incredible happened, I want to share it. I want to voice it for fear that it will disappear if I don't. I want others to hear it because maybe others have had the same experience and think they are alone.
When I woke up this morning, everything was different. The smell in the air was different. The green in the trees outside my bedroom window was different. The pink across the sky as the sun rose was different. The kindness of the other commuters on the road was different. The reflection of the  mountains on the ocean was different. As I made my way to work, I caught myself looking at the same scenery I see everyday as if I was seeing it for the first time. And I caught myself smiling for no apparent reason. I found myself saying, "Thank You Lord" outloud.
I felt this overwhelming sense of peace. I felt this overwhelming sense of direction (which was incredible to feel since of late I have felt VERY lost/without direction). I felt such a presence of God.
It reminded me of a song a friend shared with me about 10 years ago. A song that had struck a chord the first time I heard it and struck a chord again today. It explains what was happening to my view of the world this morning.
Instead of looking for miracles and not seeing any, I was looking for where there wasn't one. Seeing miracles all around me, I smiled. I think I am starting to truly believe...

when we feel the most discomfort, we learn the most;
when we feel the most out of place, we are truest to our needs;
when we feel that we are wandering alone, He is there;

If we trust...
If we listen...
If we see...
If we believe.

I believe.